Isaiah 43:1; 4 - But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel; Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. 4Because you are precious in my sight, and honored, and I love you, I give people in return for you, nations in exchange for your life.
You saw a recent post that I celebrated two years since being in Boston. Several people have asked me “what did you do to succeed in all these changes?” You are very kind in asking, but the first thing I would say is, change the word “succeed”. My work is nowhere near complete and there are many days that I fail at the process. I would not say “succeed” until I have fulfilled the final goal, which to be honest, I don’t know what that goal is yet. I guess the better question would be, “What did it take for you to “begin” these changes?”
I have had some time to reflect on this because I had to ask the same question in order to understand it myself. Honestly, I am not sure I understand it all to begin with, but I finally see what I had to do in order to begin the transformation.
1. Honestly, I had to stop being a hypocrite (at least on this topic) As a minister, I challenge people to continue to reach for better, to do what can be done to constantly learn and improve. I realized, how in the world can I ask the people to do that, if I am not doing it myself?
2. I had to stop listening to the “other” people. Since I was a child, I have been called many, many names in regards to my size…and not just from outside folks either. It continued through high school and college, however the names turned to rejection, ridicule, and harsh judgment…which oddly enough, continued on through to even the past few years. So with all that coming at you, from all levels, you tend to believe what they say and what they do.
3. The biggest thing I had to do was start investing in myself. I had always invested in my work and in my academics. But my personal life and health suffered greatly. The investing part has been my biggest challenge. I made a decision recently to get a trainer who works with me twice a month (couldn't afford more than that :-). I had the opportunity several months ago to begin the training but I could not see putting money into something like “that”. The “that” became me. I could not see putting that type of commitment and investment in myself. I realized that I could no longer do this transforming on my own and needed some additional help to get to the next level. This trainer is going to help me with that, and dare I say, kick my butt at the same time. I love the workout. I love the training. I love the challenge to reach for something better. Once I put the scale away and realized the “success” cannot be about the numbers (so don’t ask me how much I have lost, I won’t have an answer for you) I started to see "success" in a different way.
DISCLAIMER: I am nowhere near achieving these three steps because it is a process that continues on. But the key is that I finally recognized what I was doing on and I am working on the process. I have moved the bar down a little bit (because I had it way too high) and I have forgiven myself for things I have done in the past. I am also still working on forgiving others, and in many ways, that is the harder challenge.
The Isaiah scripture that I referenced above, reminds me why I need to do these steps. We are called by name. We are recognized as “precious”. We are loved and honored for being made by God. That is what I hold onto. That is the investment. God has invested in us – so shouldn’t I invest in myself?
