Saturday, October 25, 2008

Emotional Roller Coaster is insanity






Hello,
Yes - I know I have not written in a while. I am not even sure where to begin. Things have been insane since the last I blogged. I have been extremely busy and running around corners here and there. I have been home, been to Wisconsin, mourned the loss of someone in my house and 600 miles away, and enjoyed wonderful wonderful praise from a "family" far away.
A Visit Home
First - at the end of September, I got to see my first Red Sox game, live and in color. That was pretty cool. Then I got to visit Richmond. My home church, New Highland Baptist, invited me as a guest speaker at their 10th anniversary celebration. It was wonderful. It was great to see the "family" that I am referring to. Many had not seen me since I left Richmond. And I got to see a dear family with whom I had breakfast with, and cherish the moment with them. I got to say what I needed to say in order to move on. I got to prove to them that I can become a pretty decent minister and confident in what I do. The comments and the support were overwhelming and so rewarding.
Also, while I was home, I had to say goodbye to an unobtainable goal. After 38 years, I realized that I am not going to be able to change the behavior of some people and I am not going to get what I need. So I finally said goodbye to that thought and accepted the reality.
Thankfully though, my last day in town, I visited with my mentor and educating extraordinaire from seminary - Dr. Galindo. It was good to see him and catch up. He was so proud of me. He was so happy to see me and see what I am doing in Christian Education. It was so good to hear from him how proud he is and at the same time, he challenged me to be...me...in the only way that Dr. G could. To hear those words from one who has made such an impact on me, in the most positive way, makes everything else that we go through worthwhile. Oh...if I can hold onto a smidgen of all that he has given to me, I will do alright.
I completed my visit in Richmond, with my dear friend for remainder of the day, helping him through some stuff and giving back to him what he has given to me for so many years.
The Loss of an Angel
Shortly after I was back in town, I had to say goodbye to my angel, Gracie, my cat of 13 1/2 years. She made it through so much and before my trip to Richmond, had a wonderful checkup. Then she got worse and worse fast. I knew columbus day weekend after an emergency visit, that it was bad. Monday morning the 13th, I got the call that she was in severe kidney failure. I knew before the phone call what it was and knew what needed to be done. With a dear friend, I will call the "lighthouse" by my side, I watched as Gracie crossed the rainbow into God's arms around 10:00 Monday morning. With a sigh from her and a prayer from my friend, I knew she was gone. Don't let anybody deny you the impact that an animal has in your life. Gracie was with me through hell and back and during a time when not many people were supporting me. Gracie and Jelly Bean are my family here in Boston and I have lost one.
Life Continues On
The afternoon after I put Gracie down, I had to begin a three day intense workshop on family systems and ministry. There is when I found out that I had to let go of that unobtainable reality mentioned earlier. I finished Wednesday afternoon, with a lot of homework to work on and had to leave the next morning for Green Lake, Wisconsin. Those three days were intense and then I had a four day trip to a conference that gave us no break. It was an introduction to the American Baptist Church denomination and they jammed everything they could into those four days, with travel as well. I had to leave Jelly Bean alone for that time, without an opportunity to grieve her.
I came back late Monday night and back to work on Tuesday. Wednesday, I brought Gracie's remains home, after she stayed in my office all day. I would not recommend that to anybody. She now sits on the mantel and watches over us in her little wooden box. Jelly Bean is doing well, but I can imagine she wonders where her sister is.
Today was my first day off in two weeks and my body woke up at 10:00, after a long and mistake filled day on Friday. I am realizing the impact on my body and mind of all that has happened in the past month and I am hoping for some much needed rest and a lap in which to lay my head. Continue to pray for me as we head into the holiday season and all that will come with that, as I continue to ride this roller coaster. Thank you for checking in.

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